Nobody likes to be treated like an idiot ; I think you know that . So why keep talking to me as if I am one ? Each time , I keep my mouth shut & talk to you less so I wouldn't be on the receiving end of that tone . But do you know there's a limit to my patience ? It's wearing thin . I don't want to end up in an argument with you , but what's the point of apologizing & then doing it again ? I understand you have your worries , but I have my share too . & sometimes when you're in a bad mood , I'm also at the other end when you vent your frustration . Do you really think it's fair that I keep compromising ? Or would you rather I ignore you like our mothers ?

Hectic schedule for FYP ): It's not helping that Sweetheart's away on vacation . Sigh . I was supposed to go , but I've to be in SG for the whole of the FYP & attachment make-up after . So I'm SG-bound till like , April ?
Our Nebraska trip has also been pushed back , 'cos there's more things we can do in autumn . I'm not complaining , I really love autumn . For the first time in my life I'm flying away in autumn . . with The One . How cool is that !? Haha .

Mad tired , but can't seem to sleep early . My body clock's really screwed man . Zzzz . I wish time could fly past this week so I can sleep in Love's embrace again <3 Somehow that can lull me into slumber no matter what time of day :D

Got to go do some stuff now , so , till next time people ! & a very good night (:

For those of you who don't know , I've been looking to further my studies in Law for quite some time now . I actually wanted to make use of my current Diploma to get a Degree in Law from the University of London (UOL) by studying part-time in a private institute , but things aren't as simple as I thought .

I just checked out the Singapore Institute of Legal Education (SILE) , & it so happens that Singapore only allows graduates from SMU or NUS to take the BAR examinations . So to put it simply , I cannot practise Law in Singapore even with an internationally recognised Degree from UOL -.-

Some of you may be thinking , "Simple, just opt to study at NUS or SMU lor ! Anyway universities in Singapore won't lose to overseas institutions what !" Yup , I agree , it's easier for me to study in local universities . But I've checked their entry requirements- I need at least an A2 in English & be proficient in Additional Mathematics , which most of you should know that I've dropped way back in Sec. 3 . It just makes no sense to me to retake 2 O's subjects then aim for the degree , & no , it isn't time & cost savvy as well .

If I were eligible , trust me , I would've registered for their intakes right after I graduate , prolly before you can take your next breath . Sadly it isn't that simple ): I do see an alternative though , to get a Diploma in Law from ITC before I register for the graduate route in our local universities . It gives me more time & space to decide on what I really want to specialize in , as well as the freedom to work & support myself . It about time I stopped relying on my parents to make these hefty purchases on my behalf . & for those of you who are thinking I should get a bank loan , let me just say I don't want to owe the bank money before I start to make my own moolah . & no , part-time jobs do not count as first official payslip (:

Call me stubborn , insistent , whatever . I just won't feel right if I were to get my Cert any other way . Let's call it . . An infringement of my principles . Not that I'm trying to be arrogant , but still , I have to live by my way of life .

Please don't be worried for me , my dear friends , because I will be speaking to my relevant lecturers , Jer & my dear family about my decisions before actually acting on them . Yes , because the annoying fact about being human means that even at my most sane , I am prone to making some stupid decisions occasionally .

So thank you to those who actually grit your teeth & read though my babbling insecurities , as well as those who care enough to bring to my attention your concern . I love all of you (:

Fucking feverish , together with head & muscle ache ): Slept almost the whole of yesterday away thanks to the medicine . All the time = wasted . Sigh . This sucks man .

Just a random picture to break the monotony . Don't you just love the cuteness & innocence of my boy ? Hahahaha kthx :D
Good night !

Majorly annoyed at SMRT's management . I'm sure more than 90% of people in Singapore have been affected by the recent train disruptions , & it seems like SMRT isn't doing much to solve the problem .
See - CEO Saw once said ,"Commuters can get onto the MRT, it's whether they want to." But has she tried squeezing into her own MRT during peak hours ? She has not .

Then they go on to raise the fares , claiming that they aren't reaping profits when her annual salary goes up almost 3 freaking times . She's a good businesswoman , I'll give her that . But she cannot fucking empathize . When the lights & ventilation went off in one of the MRTs that broke down , a commuter breaks open the window TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO BREATHE , SMRT very "generously" says that they will not penalize that person given the circumstances . Hey , has CEO Saw been in one of those damn trains in that exact same situation ? She has not too .
Someone should give him a prize for helping save lives , or at the very least , medical implications . There were so many children inside , for crying out loud !

On top of that , she claims that "lights & ventilation were switched on throughout" the whole incident . So does that mean the victimized commuters were lying about suffocating ? Or that the faulty controls & machines don't reflect the actual situation in the MRT ?

The least SMRT can do is to prepare & provide a reasonable amount of shuttle buses in place of the MRT while they close it down for a few days to do maintenance in my opinion . & no , telling us that "SMRT does not have so many drivers waiting for such incidents to happen" does not pass as an excuse to be slack on solving the problem . Wear & tear is supposed to be taken into consideration since the MRT is operating daily , & it does not happen within the span of a few days or weeks . Heck , even diamonds are not immune to degeneration . Then again , other than telling us "SMRT could have done better to handle the situations" , there's not much they have been doing to make up for it too .

Had to vent my frustration since the train disruptions have been going on for a few consecutive days already . Thought the MRTs would be functioning better today , but no , after Braddell the time it took to get the train moving again actually almost doubled my traveling time . There goes punctuality , out the broken MRT window ~

Somehow , I don't really know if I should believe you . You claim that the love is still there , but where's the concern ?

I'm almost absolutely certain there are some things you're not telling me , or at least not to my face . I want to know what it is . Maintaining a relationship goes 2 ways . You don't expect 1 party to be putting in all the effort & only reaping half the rewards . Honestly , I'm tired . I know this post is very self-centered , but I'm only telling my side of the story . Because I don't know yours , or even if you have one .

I admit , I'm in a pissy mood because of all the pain & drowsiness , but that doesn't mean I can't think straight . All I can see is that what you're telling me doesn't exactly tally with your actions . Or maybe my lover from before isn't what or who he was anymore .

I'm upset , obviously ; but the more I think back , the more fishy it gets . It's almost like you're holding back your concern because you're not sure whether you should show it . I'm trying my very best to be understanding , but you've seriously caught me at a bad time . I won't be at your beck & call anymore until you prove to me that you deserve it , simply because I don't want to . Sure I might be depressed , angry at the whole world even , especially at you , but I will not let you think for a moment that I can be taken for granted . If there is still a shot at this relationship , I want to hold my chin up high because I'm going to be proud that I didn't give up without a fight . & if there isn't , well , I hope I won't hate you for not putting in enough effort .

Least amount of care & concern , from the person I expected to give the most . It hurts , really . It hurts so much I feel like my chest is going to explode . But it somehow distracts me from the pain of the injury . Pretty ironic huh ? I kept it from him because I didn't want him to feel like it's actually a way of getting his attention . Seems like it worked pretty well though . It took him more than 7 hours to realise it actually hurt when I walked , although I had been inching forward , back & forth the whole day .

The incessant pain is actually also affecting my ability to sit still . As a result , I'm always very restless & can't sit properly ): Royal pain in the ass , I call it . That pain is so real it has its own name . Damn .

I was actually hoping for a hug , a kiss , or even a simple caress would suffice . But no , I didn't get it . Somehow it's come to the point where I have to remind myself that I won't be seeing any of his texts when I check my phone , to avoid the disappointment I know I'll receive . Still , a little part of me can never stop hoping that he'll at least explain to me what's happening even if he doesn't show his affection like before .

& well , here I am , blogging in the middle of the night while he's sleeping because 1) I don't want him to find out ; 2) the pain is making me feel a tad dizzy & I can't fall asleep . I'll probably just lie there & wait for sleep to come claim me , like yesterday .

Goodnight people .

Maybe it's the hormones speaking ; but right now , I'm really starting to feel like I'm fast becoming just an option in your life .

Just know that I'm willing to stay strong enough to allow you the freedom of choice that dictates your happiness .

I'll still love you , always .

Made a new friend today . Bought a couple Angry Birds keyring as donation to a foundation for the paralyzed yesterday & Krystal was the one who approached to sell it to me . Struck up a conversation with her 'cos she was really easy & nice to talk to even though I wasn't feeling my best then . I put my conversation with her behind pretty quickly , since I realized I was hungry for the first time this week . Happily thinking that my appetite was back , I ate fried beehoon . Little did I know , I'd have a hard time in the toilet this morning ):

So mummy convinced me to take MC . Didn't have a fever when I was at the doctor's so he gave me MC for today . Slept the day away & woke up a tad better for dinner , but I'm feeling feverish now D: Met Krystal again today , & to my surprise she remembered me . Heh . She's very sad that her relationship with her family is very rocky , & feeling very unappreciated 'cos all the effort she's been putting in seems to be washing down the drain . Shared a bit of my past with her ; what I did & how things changed . She was amazed that I could empathize with her loneliness & asked me what I did to change things . I hope my experience helped . Feeling happier mentally although still sick like shit physically . Wishing I'll get better soon .


Had a talk with Sweet♥ & mummy just now ; poured out so much that I've been bottling up for so long - unhappiness , anxiety , frustration , indignance . . . Feeling better too , knowing that they will somehow always be there for me . Going through a tough period & I hope I will emerge stronger & wiser , especially now that I'm determined to put in my best efforts to do so .

Thanks for reading this cocktail entry of my feelings now people , 'cos I just had to type it out despite me feeling much like shit . & I wish you guys all the best <3